Ask the Diplomat: Former Malawian President Bakili Muluzi

Hello Diplomat,

I would like to ask if you could do a piece on the very undiplomatic Malawian ex-president Bakili Muluzi who has tried everything in the trick books to stay in power. His latest being running for president in 2009 after failing to get a third term in 2004.

Thanks,

Multi-Cultural Guru, Lilongwe, Malawi

Thanks for your question, Multi-Cultural Guru. I assume the “tricks” you’re referring to are related to his maize scandal which briefly landed him in jail in 2006. According to the BBC, Muluzi was arrested and questioned on corruption and fraud charges stemming from financial transactions during his presidency. Apparently, Muluzi sold his country’s maize reserves to other African countries shortly before Malawi entered a drought and pocketed some of the proceeds while his people starved. And even though his 10-year presidency ended 3 decades of dictatorship, (Banda), the country is in even worse shape with foreign economic aid reaching almost $600 million in 2007.

So it’s sad that the BBC is also now reporting that Muluzi has just won his party’s nomination by a landslide and will be the United Democratic Front’s presidential nominee. However, it’s still up in the air whether or not his third run for president is actually legal. With this many red flags so far, The Diplomat gives Bakili a failing grade.

Mwawi!

What Undiplomatic People Do: Take Communion

I’m sure I was not the only person who saw a priest actually hand Rudy Giuliani the Eucharist on Saturday at the Pope’s mass at St. Patrick’s Cathedral. Not only has Mr. Giuliani been married thrice, he’s also pro-choice, something the Catholic Church does not at all commune with. It’s very typical of would be politicians who are known for being artless, rude, tactless, (Ann Coulterish), to ignore ancient doctrine out of sheer selfishness. After all, it’s the move to make if your an Undiplomat – alienate a faithful following by claiming that their rules don’t apply to you.

This episode reminded me of a line from an excellent memoir by an incredible author I read last summer, The Year of Magical Thinking. In it, Joan Didion says that her husband was always fond of saying that Episcopals (Ms. Didion) “take communion” whilst Catholics (her husband John) “receive communion”. Unfortunately, I think Mr. Giuliani’s shenanigans on Saturday beg to differ.

Truly undignified, Rudy, truly undignified.

Most Undiplomatic Person of the Moment (#2): Silvio Berlusconi

Si puo fare … again.

Yes, it’s true, Silvio Berlusconi is Italy’s Prime Minister once again. This will be the third time that Berlusconi has governed his country. And you know what they say about the third time – time for another face lift!

Not only has Silvio been tight with George W. Bush and the United States’ foreign policy regarding the invasion of Iraq, he’s also managed to dodge financial corruption charges for years on his way to becoming a self-made billionaire by basically just changing the statute of limitations to his favor. However, what’s most disturbing about Italy’s right turn is that Berlusconi effectively controls 90% of all national television broadcasting, which without a doubt should disqualify him from office due to conflict of interests. And if there’s one thing The Diplomat is certain of, a country without a free press is a country without democracy.

Reporters Sans Frontières (Reporters Without Borders) conducts an annual Worldwide Press Freedom Index and ranked Italy 39th in press freedom, falling from a free press country to now only a partially-free press country. Let’s hope Berlusconi stops the tomfoolery and instead focuses on bringing freedom and economic stability back to the people.

Viva Italia!

The Opposite of Diplomatic: Artless, Rude, Tactless, Ann Coulter …

In all honesty, it pains me, seriously pains me to even mention Ms. Coulter here, but she is someone who typifies what The Diplomat isn’t. And we all know how useful, instructive, and didactic it is in defining something by saying what it is not (see, Jean Paul Sartre’s ‘L’Être et le néant : Essai d’ontologie phénoménologique‘). To be plain, in one’s journey from controversial for controversy’s sake to an utterly shameful disintegrating concept of a human, Ann Coulter breaks the Diplometer’s scale by coming in below zero.

If she were someone of value who actually valued herself and her possible role in the world, she’d have taken a serious lesson from an individual who not only redefined cultural diplomacy but someone who also made ultra-modern, never before seen strides in Transitional Justice: Sergio Vieira de Mello.

Abrazos, Sergio. Descanse en paz.

Most Undiplomatic Person of the Moment #1: Robert Mugabe, Because Who Really Cares About Eliot Spitzer Anymore

Honestly, what does Mugabe want? He’s been the head of Zimbabwe’s government for almost 30 years. During that time, he may have ushered in some type of independence for his country as a black leader, but he also disembowed a bag of heinous tricks onto its people as well. I mean, claiming that you’re a beacon of democracy to your people and then imposing severe racism, war, arrests and torture of human rights lawyers and opposition members of parliament, land and farm seizures, and starvation onto them is kind of like wearing a prison suit with a “FREEDOM!” iron on. Its more than just a little tacky. It’s a lie. Not to mention that Zimbabwe currently has an inflation rate hovering around 100,000%, leaving many of its citizens unable to afford simple staples like bread and grains. However, what’s most astonishing has been his frequent reference to Hitler. Which leads us to one of the worst lines of diplomacy of the twentieth century:

Mugabe: “This Hitler has only one objective: justice for his people, sovereignty for his people, recognition of the independence of his people and their rights over their resources. If that is Hitler, then let me be a Hitler tenfold.”

Really? If that’s Mugabe, then let me be Mitt Romney. Where’s the proof, Mug? And to top things off, he claims to be a Catholic. Zimbabwe may never be a colony again, but even in postcolonial times the old saying is still ringing true: absolute power corrupts absolutely.

The Diplometer says: F for being a once promising but now utterly shameful failure to the world; F for dragging down a once promising country into economic freefall; F- for comparing yourself to Hitler; and F- for calling opponents “born again colonialists ” instead of yourself. (And a bonus shame on you for dragging God into it.)

Overall Diplometer Reading: F (62)